Edward Cullen in Disneyland
by msmorciere
Summary: Edward goes to Disneyland and meets a chocobo. This was written for a dare. It might be a crack!fic. You decide.


**A/N: Somehow, one of my friends convinced me to write a story about Edward Cullen in Disneyland. And a Final Fantasy character. And Gerard Way. And broccoli.**

**Props to whoever has seen the Twilight Musical on youtube and recognizes the quote I used!**

Edward Cullen prided himself on his ability to adapt. While other vampires had refused to accept that they were no longer living in the decade that they had been turned, Edward embraced change. He had kept himself up-to-date with all of the latest fashions- the newest cars, the most popular music (although he did appreciate all of the classical composers, and had collected every possible recording of Debussy, his favorite), all with the help of Carlisle. But even with his open mindedness, Edward repeatedly failed to see the appeal of one popular human attraction:

Disneyland.

Which was why, after Bella had dragged him there, he refused to leave his hotel room, and instead, stayed inside all day and read his new copy of Darwin's _Origin of Species_. Bella and Alice were out in the park all day, going on the rides and seeing shows- apparently, Alice was able to pass off her skin as having a large amount of glitter on it- "Edward, it's _Disneyland_, it's not like anyone's going to _care_"- and they came back to the room every five hours or so and begged him to join them. He always refused. Edward couldn't comprehend how Alice could be around the crowds of humans for so long without going a little bit crazy. He had hunted before they left, but Alice would run off somewhere at the end of every night and eat a cow. Edward wasn't willing to go _that_ low.

So, he lay on the hotel bed, reading. Occasionally, he'd put his book down and just think, as vampires do. He heard Bella and Alice approach the door, chattering excitedly about their plans for the next day. He was glad they were leaving tomorrow night. The doorknob turned, and the two girls entered the room.

"Edward! You should have come with us today, we had SO MUCH FUN!" Alice practically shouted at him. Bella scooted next to him on the bed, laying her head in the crook of his arm.

"She's right," she told him, looking up at him and grinning devilishly. "You should have seen her try to get me on the rollercoaster at California Adventure… I made her promise me that I wouldn't die before I would even let us get in line."

"Sounds fun," Edward told them dryly. "Are you sure you're not up for leaving tonight?"

Alice and Bella scoffed in indignation. "Are you kidding me?" Alice asked. "We haven't even hit Tomorrowland!"

They convinced him to go out to dinner with them in the park. "Bella's probably starving- aren't you Bella?" Alice told him, glaring at Bella until she nodded vigorously, "And you need some fresh air, Edward. It's not healthy to be cooped up all day."

"Alice. We don't breathe."

"What_ever_, Edward."

So, they went to Club 33. They had no trouble getting in, thanks to some connection Carlisle had made (Edward didn't really want to think about how Carlisle might know Disneyland employees) and were seated at a table in the corner of the room. Edward noted the harpsichord in the room, and after receiving permission from a waiter to play, he sat down and performed one of his original compositions, leaving Bella and Alice to talk. He was amused overhearing the thoughts of some of the older women in the restaurant- he almost burst out laughing when one of them coyly raised an eyebrow in his direction while thinking, "_I'd do him_". Ah, cougars.

Bella was having the five course dinner, while Edward and Alice declined to order anything. Alice regaled Edward of the two's adventures that day in the park, while Bella struggled to cut her broccoli.

"Cut in half, broccoli! Dammit." Edward gently removed the knife from her hand and cut through the broccoli with ease. Super-vampire strength definitely had its perks. Bella looked at him gratefully, and he felt her foot rub against his under the table. _Okay, then_. He wished he could hear what she was thinking at that moment, but after seeing the expression on her face, decided that it would be easier to control himself if he didn't. Fortunately for him, he didn't really have a choice.

Bella's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "Edward- look over there." She pointed to the right of them. "I think that's Gerard Way."

"The lead singer of My Chemical Romance?" Edward asked her, trying to contain the excitement in his voice. He failed miserably.

Alice looked at him strangely, and then said, "Oh, my god."

"What?" he asked her.

"You're an MCR fan!"

"Alice, you know that I have better taste than that. I would never purposely listen to that- that crap."

"You totally are! You're a closet MCR fanboy! I bet you know all of the lyrics to their songs, too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Bella snickered. But after seeing Edward's glare, she turned to Alice and said, "Oh, you know that he doesn't like music like that. Edward likes… he likes Iron & Wine. You know. Indie stuff."

Alice could hardly contain her laughter at Bella's weak protests. "Okay, if you say so, Bella."

"_I'm totally going to go through your iPod when we get home, Edward,_" Alice thought towards him. Edward glared at her, and she started laughing again.

Edward turned his thoughts over to Gerard Way, trying to get a glimpse into his thoughts. He was startled by what he heard.

"_Cold things can't feel love_."

How strange. And yet… poetic. Edward hoped he would work that one into a song.

After paying, they left the restaurant and made their way back to the hotel. Alice and Bella shared a room that connected to his. Edward had spent most of the night in theirs, though, watching Bella sleep. "Not like that's creepy," Alice had commented one night. He had growled at her, and then she shut up.

Alice and Bella had departed the room early the next morning. They had tried once again to get Edward to join them, but their efforts were in vain. He refused to join them, like he had the previous two days. He lay on the bed, reading Darwin, and listening to MCR on his iPod, occasionally singing along.

He remained this way for two more hours. But while he was using his super-vampire hearing, he heard a faint, "_Kwek, kweh"_ noise coming from outside of his hotel room. It seems to be travelling from the balcony. He jumped off the bed and headed over to the window, intending to find the source of the noise. It was like nothing Edward had ever heard before, and he had heard a lot in his 108 years. He pulled back the drapes, and saw a rather unusual sight.

There was a large yellow bird standing on the balcony. It looked at him, and opened its beak several times.

"This is weird."

He looked closer at the bird, and saw that it had a sign around its neck. Coming closer to it, Edward slowly reached out, seeing whether the bird would react (not that it mattered if it did- he could rip its head off in a matter of seconds if he felt like it), and grabbed the card. He tilted it towards him and read what it said: _Chocobo. Will work for Ghisal Greens._

_Okay, then._

"Does that mean that you'll fly if I feed you these gissal green thingies?"

The chocobo cocked its head at him.

"CHOCOBO?!?"

Edward looked down below the balcony. They were five stories up, and a girl was standing on the ground level, hands cupped to her mouth, screaming up. "CHOCOBO! COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

From what Edward could see, the girl had white hair, in pigtails, and was wearing rather tight-fitting clothes. "The moogles are gonna kill me…" she muttered to herself. Edward overheard her with his super-vampire hearing, and thought to himself, _What are moogles?_

He yelled down at her, "I think I have your chocobo. Can you come to the fifth floor? The tenth room?"

She looked up, started. He supposed she hadn't seen him. "Yes! Thank you! I'll be right there."

He waited while she came up through the elevator. He left his door open, and saw her coming down through the hallway. She seemed slightly stunned after seeing him- he seemed to have that effect on adolescent girls- but regained her composure.

"You have my chocobo?"

"Big yellow bird, looks at you weird?"

"That's it! Thank you so, so much!" She ran past him into the hotel room, and went out onto the balcony. He followed her. "That hasn't happened to me in a while. Thank you for keeping him here!"

"I really didn't do that much, actually," Edward told her. "Oh, I'm Edward Cullen, by the way."

"I'm Penelo," she said, extending her hand. He shook it. "Is there anything I can do to repay you?"

He thought for a bit. "You can tell me what the hell a chocobo is and why I've never heard of them before."

She looked at him strangely. "They're a bird. And you get them from moogles." She didn't say "duh", but it was implied.

Edwards figured he wasn't going to get anything else out of her, and he wanted to return to his book. "Okay. Uh, do you need any help getting him out of the hotel?"

She looked at him like there was something wrong with him. Again. "I think I can handle it from here. Thank you!"

And with that, she swung herself up onto the chocobo and flew off the balcony. Edward's perfectly coifed hair was blown by the slightly breeze its wings generated while taking off, and after watching her fly off and thinking, _What the HELL was that?_, he returned to his room. And fixed it. So it shone like a new copper penny and was as fluffy as a lion's mane.


End file.
